Value Your Relationships As Much as You Do Your Career

 

Submitted by Marcia Ore, UK

“the greatness of a man is not how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and ability to affect those around him positively.”   – Bob Marley

Recent changes in my personal and professional life has, once again, provided me with the opportunity to pause and reflect and my achievements so far. Apart from my professional and personal growth by taking part in various forms of academic study, surviving my three divorces and a thirty-year police career, however, my two children must be right there at the top of the list. Why? Not because of their achievements academically or because they are high fliers in their careers, that is not what is important to me.  I have always told my children that I want them to be happy and content with their lives – a career with a grand title or five-figure some salary does not value children-1equate to success, satisfaction or happiness. All these factors mean different things to different people, which is why it is folly to compare your life with another. Do you know what they had to do to get where they are? Would you make the same choices?

My children rank top of my achievements so far due to the fact that they are great people. I am often complimented by others from various walks of life and from a variety of ages:   ‘your children are lovely…’ or  ‘…they’re a credit to you.’  It’s nice to hear I got something right, but also it’s a reminder that we can take those closest to us for granted. Not appreciating their qualities or the loss we would feel if they were no longer in our lives.

 

This resonates particularly strongly at this time for me as I lost my mother last year after she had suffered with dementia for many years. Even though she didn’t know who I was for the best part of the last year of her life, the void she has left will never be filled. I remember our monthly shopping trips together when she was well, a few holidays we shared and the way she would look disapprovingly over her glasses and say “Marcia” in a tone that I knew I had overstepped the mark.

An acquaintance of mine has recently been told one of her daughters is terminally ill with an incurable, rare and aggressive form of cancer, and she has down tools from her business, to devote to her daughter.

All the money or status that you achieve in your lifetime means nothing unless it had meaning and benefited others.

I have a few questions for you to ask yourself:

  • When was the last time you told your nearest and dearest you appreciated them? I didn’t say love them. The “L” word has a tendency to be over used and has become an automatic response used by many of us all too quickly as easily.valuechildren
  • What is it that you appreciate about them? Be specific, it’s like feedback –  make it SNAP. by being:

Specific: give  examples  

Non judgmental: not personal

Actionable : they can do something about it, i.e. repeatable.

Proximate : as close to the incident when it occurred.

If you want to maintain your relationship, then value them as much as you do the job you get paid to do. The currency maybe different but the loss can be just as impactive.

       

About the writer

Marcia Ore is a Facilitator for Development based in the UK who offers a range of developmental tools to support others with their personal, business & professional development operating in the public private and voluntary sector. Her services include coaching, mentoring and business psychometric tools. She is a member of the European Mentoring & Coaching Council, Association for Coaching and Oxford Books Coaching & Mentoring Society.

For further information about how she could support you, visit http://www.more-2-life.com.

More to Life with Marcia Ore

 

It’s always about the passion and the journey.   Marcia Ore is a woman who asked the question “Who am I” and then answered it with her life.  From police officer to life/motivational coach.  What an interesting transition.  She shares with Women Move the Soul.

 

What is http://www.more-2-life.com/ with Marcia Ore all about?

M’ORE 2 LIFE is the name of my company and is made from my name and also my philosophy that there is more to life than we sometimes see or experience.  I started my company as a Reiki Therapist and Master Teacher and then progressed as I became qualified in coaching and mentoring.
I have now developed the services I currently offer which includes coaching, mentoring, training, workshop facilitation, teaching English as a Foreign Language and recently as a DiSC certified trainer.

 

How does a police officer decide to become a motivational coach? What led you to your decision?

I have for many years coached and mentored colleagues, however my first experience of what I term ‘real coaching’ was when a senior officer asked me some open but challenging questions about where I saw my career in 5 years time. That conversation changed my life and the way I approached my personal and professional development. However, it was not until the breakdown of my third marriage that I re-evaluated my life, taking into account that I would reach pensionable police retirement age and asked myself “What are you going to do when you retire, because the chances are you’ll be on your own?
Also, in my role as a Police Officer I started to question how much of a difference I was actually making to peoples lives, and felt that supporting individuals development was another way of making a tangible difference which meant people took responsibility for their lives and do not become reliant on others.

 

Are the individuals who come to you for help motivated to help themselves or is that something you help them to develop?

I believe the first step to self motivation is when individuals contact me, recognizing that they either want to or need to change their lives, however they usually are not sure what they want and how to go about getting what they want.Though some clients cannot keep up their motivational levels, and whilst i can support and encourage them, I cannot do it for them.

 

Marcia with her children

We all have ups and downs. How do you stay motivated or “up” yourself?

I relish challenges and I have had many in my life. I am quite stubborn and if I am told I cannot do something, not capable, under estimated or not valued that tends to drive my engine. Also my two children Matthew (24) and Lucianne (17) and my partner Donna support me with my motivational levels when they start to flag. I may be a coach but I’m human and I have my moments when I need support and encouragement.

I have a professional relationship with a fellow coach and we peer coach and supervisor each other.

 

You also do public speaking. How do you come to be invited to speak in various places?
I get invited to events to speak at which are concerned with personal and professional development, particularly from the perspective of minority groups such as women and black and ethnic minorities.

 

If you do speak publicly, do the people that hire you give you the subject matter, or do you have your own topics and agenda?
The events I have spoken at have been primarily within the context of Policing and the UK Criminal Justice System. As my specialty is personal and professional development for minorities then that’s what I talk about sharing my personal experience and providing practical suggestions which will help individuals with their development.

 

How are you able to help anyone with any subject? For instance, if someone wants to be a fashion designer and they are currently a school bus driver, how would you help them?

That’s an interesting question as I am currently a mentor with the Princes Trust and my menthe’s business is online fashion. The process is the same regardless, you help the individual re-evaluate their personal and professional lives as the two are inextricably linked, if change one it will impact on the other and vice versa.  Identify what they want and what they don’t want and then devise a strategy, the journey and the route, to get them from where they are to where they want to be.
The strategy should build in flexibility as sometimes, and its happened on my journey, I’ve had to take detours to get where I want to be provided they were enabled and were not barriers or massive hurdles.

I would also advocate they research their chosen professional/career and I would also do some

Marcia motivates!

research so I had some understanding when we discussed the journey.

I believe everyone has ability to realize their potential and be successful. The questions they should ask themselves is what does success look like, feel like, sound like for them NOT anyone else, and what are they prepared or not prepared to do to achieve?

Many of us live our lives for others or through others, but how many of us are happy, content or feel fulfilled living like that, or existing live that. There is M’ORE 2 LIFE!!

 

 

http://www.more-2-life.com