We don’t think the following story needs any introduction…
Submitted by Misty Frith
“Awaken at 5:30 in the morning to the screams of my two girls. I run down the hallway as quick as I can. I had an 8 inch incision across my abdomen from a major surgery a week prior. There was my boyfriend swinging my oldest daughter around by her hair. She was 13. My youngest was hitting him yelling for him to stop. He kept pushing her away, knocking her down. She kept getting back up trying to help her sister. She was 7. I began screaming at him to stop and trying to pull him away from her. He threw Ashley into the wall and began hitting me. He threw me to the floor and began kicking me. Before I knew it he was sitting on me choking me. I was yelling for my girls to get out of the house and get help. I wanted them as far away from him as I could get them at this point. I could tell this was going to be one of the worse beatings ever. But my girls wouldn’t leave me. They were screaming for him to stop. Both hitting him as hard as they could trying to pull him off of me. Ashley jumped on his back, wrapped her arms around his neck and began choking him while Serena kept hitting him with her tiny little fists. I don’t know how long this went on but it seemed like hours. Then he just finally quit. He walked out of the room and went to bed. That was it. I knew we had to get out. We got dressed, I sent the girls to the car while I got my keys and purse. He heard me and took off running out the door. By the time I could get to the car he had Ashley pinned in the back seat hitting her over and over in the back. Poor Serena was just standing outside the car screaming. I began hitting him and pulling at him trying to get him out of the car. As he came out of the car he punched me right in the face hitting my nose. Blood went everywhere. He looked at me and laughed and walked in the house. That’s the day we left for good.”
My name is Misty Frith. I have two beautiful daughters. Ashley who is now 18 and Serena who is 12. The incident you just read was about us. We have suffered and survived almost ten years of domestic violence. I want to help motivate and inspire other victims to move beyond this type of abuse. I want them to understand that there is a way out and that you are not alone. You are not the only one that this happens too. It is happening to many many others and we all need to stand together to help end this horrible abuse.
My life of abuse began just a few months after meeting my abuser. My daughter Ashley was four and we found out I was pregnant. The first few times that my abuser yelled, pushed slapped he was fast to apologize and tell me how rough his life was as a child. He would tell me many times that he was so sorry and that it would never happen again. I felt sorry for him for having a rough child hood and so I forgave him. I told myself over and over that he was sorry and that he loved me and it would never happen again. Then it seemed things started happening more often and becoming more severe. During this time he began making me feel like it was all my fault. He would say things to me like if you would just listen this would not happen, or you just make me so mad sometimes that I cannot control myself. I began blaming myself. I tried to do better and make him happy and make him love me. In my mind I thought if I just did what he said then he would love me more and the abuse would stop. As the beatings began getting worse I wanted to leave but he began threatening to kill me and my girls if I ever left him. I was scared. He threatened to harm my sisters, my parents. I felt like I had lost control of everything and there was nothing I could do but stay with him so that everyone else would be safe. He also threatened to have his brothers come rape and kill me and my girls if I ever put him in jail. I was terrified. Then I started to become angry. Angry at him, angry at the world and sick of being hit, yelled at and controlled. The more angry that I became the more I resented him. I went back to school to get my Associates in Applied Science and went to paramedic school. I refused to do anything he told me and I began to fight back when he would start hitting me. I always got beat up but at least I felt like I was standing up for myself and my girls. My mind began to get stronger even though my body was getting weaker due to the beatings. The day we left him all we had was the clothes we had on and my car. We went through the roller coaster of the courts and a ridiculous plea bargain that was made. But in the end the girls and I getting away from him was the best thing in the world for us. We have found happiness and no more yelling, screaming, fighting, beatings. We fought hard to get to where we are today but it was well worth it.
I have taken our experience and with my girls, we are turning it into something good for others. I have written a book, “Diary of Abuse No Justice” in hopes of helping many others. The book helps explain that domestic violence effects many more than just the abuser and the victim. I put my emotions and my daughters’ emotions in the book. Our thoughts, our hopes, our wishes, our dreams and our life once we got away from him. I talk about what happens once law enforcement has been contacted and what my girls and I went through with the police, deputies, judges, lawyers and county attorneys.
The book is meant to help many people. First of all the victim, so that they will understand that they are not the only ones going through it and that the thoughts they have are not crazy, they are typical for someone that is going through Domestic Violence.
It’s for the abusers to make them understand what they are doing is wrong, and that their actions are changing someone else’s life forever and that is not right.
It’s for the families of victims to help them for one, to spot abuse, and for two, better ways to help them than to just expect them to walk away because it is not that easy.
It’s for law enforcement to help them understand what a victim is going through and better ways to approach the whole situation.
It’s for judges, lawyers, and county attorneys to help them understand the suffering that the victim is going through not only with the abuser but also with the court system.
It’s for Domestic Violence Advocates, to help them better help victims. Most of all it is to help everyone. Because domestic violence hurts everyone involved in that one victims life.
As a victim you can do this. You can get out. You can save yourself and become truly happy. As an abuser, you can stop this. You can end causing pain to someone else. You can take responsibility for you own actions. You too can become truly happy by making the right choices. As a family member of someone being in an abusive relationship you can learn ways to help other victims. As law enforcement you can learn new techniques and ways to word things to help convince victims that they deserve better. Judges, lawyers, and county attorneys you can help punish those who break these laws to the highest extent. You can give victims their rights back and their feeling of safety. Advocates the job you do is truly amazing and it can give you even more ideas on how to help victims. This book, “Diary of Abuse No Justice” can help our society as a whole to better understand Domestic Violence and better ways to end it.
Here are a few more excerpts:
Roger called me at work tonight and told me **** and his girlfriend are spending the night. I said no they are not, Serena is there, and I don’t want them there and I get off at 2:00 and have to be back at 10:00 am. I told him to make them leave. Couldn’t even put my car in the garage because theirs was in it. Roger came out the door screaming at me to shut the fucking garage door now. He dragged me into the house screaming at me. Him and **** and *** girlfriend told me to sit down and shut up. I tried to get to the phone, I had had enough but Roger pulled out a gun and put it to my head and told me to shut the fuck up or he would put a bullet through my head. I just sat there. Was he going to kill me, what was going on, why were *** and his girlfriend staying in my house, they had their own? Thank god Ashley was at my friends, but Serena was in her bed. Roger told me to go to bed and keep my mouth shut. I did.
I awoke at 6:00 in the morning to a pounding on my door. I was trying to answer it and Roger and *** were yelling at me to not open it. I opened it anyways. What the hell is going on. Who the hell knocks on someone’s door like that this early in the morning.
As I opened the door someone grabbed me and jerked me out the door. I started screaming and trying to pull away when I realized it was a cop. There were cops everywhere, in the front, in the back, in the bushes, in the street. Cop cars were lining the whole block. They had guns out everywhere, pointed at me, and at the windows on my house. I had gotten myself back in front of the door where they couldn’t get in and I was screaming for them to stop it, stop pointing those guns at my house, my baby was inside and she was only a couple months old. The cop that pulled me out promised to bring me Serena, but was looking for ****. They got *** and his girlfriend handcuffed and brought me Serena. It turned out *** and his girlfriend had robbed a convenient store that night before and shot at people. Roger knew this but after everyone left while he was beating me, for opening the door and letting them in, he informed me that family sticks together. My life is spiraling out of control and I cant stop it. I have to get my girls and I out of this. He will never change? Will he?
I made the mistake today talking to Roger about getting a job. It ended in me having a black eye and several kicks to my upper leg. It hurts to walk or bend down. There is a bruise the size of a baseball. Will I ever go a week without a bruise on my body? I can’t keep doing this.
**** confronted me today at work. He knows what’s going on. He said he can see it on my face and in my eyes, and in the bruises that he can see on my arms. He said no one runs into things that often, I told him a lot of what’s going on but I made him promise not to say anything and begged him not to confront Roger. Dear God please let him keep his promise. If he doesn’t the girls and I are dead.
Roger told me today we are going to get his mother from Virginia this weekend. She is going to live with us. Oh no not more of his family in my house, on the other hand, it’s his mom, maybe it will be better. Surely he wont scream and cuss and hit me while she’s there. Well we are in Virginia picking up his mom and the trip is not going well so far. We stopped to eat and some guy was staring at me. Before I could get in the car he slammed my head off the car so hard I nearly passed out. He started yelling at me telling me if I didn’t look like such a slut people wouldn’t stare. I was wearing jeans and a t-shirt, but I didn’t argue with him I just kept saying I’m sorry I will change. Once I got in the car I felt very light headed and my head was hurting so bad. I was trying to get some aspirin out of my purse, when he threw his pop in my face and said use that to wash off some of that make-up you whore. Please God let someone see what he’s doing to me. Please someone call the police. Once in Virginia things got worse. I was so tired when we got there I was trying to get the girls out of the car and inside and I locked the keys in my car. His brother spent 45 minutes getting the car unlocked. Once it was just Roger and I, he slapped me and started accusing me of sleeping with his brother. That was the first time I had even met his brother. He told me if I spoke to his brother again he would slit my throat. I spent the next few days in silence. Did I look at his brother wrong? Was it my fault? I will just try and be quite and that will make the trip easier.
He’s been nice while his mom has been here. He helps cook and clean. He still won’t let me take the car myself, he drives me to and from work. There has been no yelling for a few days, its so nice. As I was coming out of work tonight one of the guys threw a cup out the window and hit me with it just joking around. I started laughing at him and got in the car. I knew as soon as I saw Roger’s face I had just messed up. He started yelling at me and asking me how long I had been screwing my co-worker. I was trying to explain to him he was just a friend, someone I worked with. He grabbed the back of my head by my hair and slammed my face off the dash. He continued jerking my head around while he drove. We got about five miles out of town and he pulled over. He got out of the car walked around to my side opened the door and pulled me out by my hair. He yelled at me and then threw me to the ground. He got back in the car and left me there. It was two in the morning, 17 degrees and I had on short sleeves and no coat. I walked five miles back to town and called him and begged him to come get me. He kept hanging up on me. I was outside a motel on the outskirts of town I set and waited until 6:00 am. Call the police Misty. You cant keep doing this. He has Serena and Ashley and his mom what if he hurts one of them when the police pull up. God help me please tell me what to do.
Went grocery shopping at Wal-mart today. Roger got upset with me because I kept telling him I didn’t have the money for everything he wanted. God does he not realize how hard it is to make it on one income. He grabbed my hand and squeezed it until my finger snapped it hurt so bad I wanted to scream! He said have a fun walk home you selfish bitch, and he left. Please don’t let him leave me here. Its thirty miles to the house, please I don’t want to have to call someone for a ride. When I got out to the parking lot he was gone. I called the house about thirty minutes later, he answered. I begged him to come pick me up but he refused. He said I could walk, maybe my fat ass would lose some weight on the way home. I called *** and ask him to please come get me from Wal-Mart. I was trying not to cry but he knew something was wrong and he came right away. We talked on our way to the house and **** was furious. I begged him not to go in the house after Roger, it wasn’t going to help. He kept telling me over and over you have to get out of this, he is going to kill you. He told me people cared about you, don’t let him do this. I knew people cared I just didn’t want them brought into any of this. He is so mean. I don’t want him hurting the people I care about. I walked in the door he started yelling, punched me in the face so hard it knocked me down. He sat on me and began choking me and accusing me of sleeping with *** before he brought me home. His mom started screaming at him to get off me. He got up and went and watched TV like nothing happened.
We do provide the service of speaking on domestic violence. Some of the topics we have covered:
Domestic Violence for Advocates
Domestic Violence for Families
Domestic Violence and Employment
Domestic Violence for Law Enforcement
Domestic Violence for Court Employees
Domestic Violence for Victims
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Domestic Violence affects many more people than just the victim. It affects everyone the victim comes into contact with. It takes their confidence, which affects their jobs and employers. It affects their children. It affects schooling, which affects teachers. It affects whole families, in household and out of household. It even affects strangers, because the victims don’t know how to react around them. Domestic Violence affects everyone. It If we all stand together against abuse we can make a positive change for victims.
Domestic Violence Survivor/ Author/ Speaker