Are you developing an emotional connection with the man that you are sleeping with?
(This is the first time that Jeanine shows some emotion during this interview.)
Yeah. He’s a very nice man. I don’t know much about him. We always go to a motel…every week. He pays for everything and he pays me $100. I don’t know about him. He doesn’t tell me anything about himself. But, he buys me nice jewelry occasionally. I keep all of it. It makes me feel special.
I am thinking that his wife died and he just wants — not just sex — but the intimacy that is afforded with touch. He just wants to be held, touched and loved.
He seems sad at times. Well — (and she drifts off)
My husband and I have been together for 18 years. I would never leave him. My weekend man is wonderful, but I have allowed it to be just a dream, a fantasy. I have separated it from the rest of my life in my head. It is a temporary thing.
When I first started, I would come home and run into the shower just so I could cry without anyone hearing me. But, now it’s kind of okay. I have adapted to it somewhat.
But, to answer your question, yes, I am getting emotionally attached because I am a caring human being. But when the time comes that I don’t need the extra money, I have no choice but to cut it off and to leave. If I weigh in my hands (she says holding out both hands) my husband here and my temporary guy here – my husband will win out all the time. We’ve been together for a very long time and he is the person that I want to grow old with and sit next to in a rocking chair with. So, when the time comes for me to cut it off, I am prepared to do that.
Jeanine, one last thing. One thing that you said that spoke volumes was “I used to hold my body sacred.” Would you talk about that?
Holding my body sacred means just that. I wouldn’t sell myself, my body or let it be used sexually by a man or a woman. Making love is just what it says – making love. You are actually making love to another human being. It’s a sacred act. Sharing your body is a spiritual thing. It’s the joining of souls…
It is still my philosophy, but I have failed to uphold this principle for myself. It’s like I put it on hold because once I’m done, I will go back to that philosophy. But I recognize that there is no going back. Not really. Once I allowed myself to be spiritually violated, it’s done…
(there is a long hesitation before Jeanine speaks again.)
I can’t get that back now. It’s not like I was raped. I did this voluntarily. I am damaged goods now. So, all I can say to other women is to hold your body sacred. It is your temple.
Are you okay? Are you going to be okay?
Yeah – I’m okay.
Would you like to say anything else?
Nope. I’ve said enough. Hold your body sacred.
Thanks Tomaca for letting me talk about this again. I don’t have anyone to talk to about this.
You’re welcome. Before we had the issue with the website, you were blogging about how you felt and everything. You touched a lot of women. There was a lot of support and feedback. A lot of love coming your way. Do you want us to set up that avenue for you again?
I will think about that. I’m in a different place now, I’m less emotional and more adapted to what I am doing. I am grateful to the readers for their support though. I appreciate that greatly ladies, thank you. So, Tomaca, I’ll let you know if I want to get back into that.
Thanks Jeanine. Thanks for speaking with us again.